Gun Play and Shooting Games

Here at HPT, we fully believe in the power of play and that play is the medium through which children process their world around them. When working as teachers and therapists, we have always received questions and concerns involving specific types of play, particularly those involving “guns” and “shooting”. Below are a couple of articles which may help provide some insight into many play therapists’ view on gun play, as well as how to discuss these concepts with your own child(ren).

In summary from all of the articles:

1. Children using their fingers, sticks, or other objects as weapons to play “good guys and bad guys” is generally a typical and normal part of child development. There has so far not been any correlation between gun play as a child and increased violence or aggression as an adult.

2. It is OK for you as a parent to not be comfortable with this and to set your own limits regarding what you would like your child to play with. Some examples of limits might be “You may not point the water gun at their face. You can point it at their feet instead" or “No pointing at anyone’s body- you can point at a target instead”.

3. Helping guide your child through conversations about “real vs. pretend” can be helpful. Noting that, if they see something on Star Wars, or on the playground, that is pretend. Discussing how real guns can be dangerous and, if you own a gun in your household, how it is important for kids not to hold them or play with them is imperative.

Articles:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/son-obsessed-pretend-toy-guns_l_5de52df6e4b0d50f32a62859

https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/mar2018/promoting-gun-safety

https://seecstories.com/2018/11/08/weapon-play-in-early-childhood-how-to-be-developmentally-appropriate-and-responsive-to-current-events/#:~:text=Research%20has%20also%20shown%20that,well%20as%20develop%20their%20imaginations.

Body Safety and Body Boundaries: Conversations with Young Children

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Many schools across the nation are using this opportunity to have discussions and lessons with students about body safety, body boundaries and personal safety plans for what to do if they find themselves, or their friends, in an uncomfortable situation.

While some parents may be hesitant to engage in these conversations with their children, they are very important to have, and can be tailored to your child’s specific age and developmental level.

Some topics that are important to discuss with your young children include:

1. Body Boundaries/ Consent and Body Safety

2. Safe vs. Unsafe Touches

3. Medically Accurate Name of Body Parts

4. “No, Go, Tell”

5. Their Safety Network (Five safe grown-ups who they trust and can go to for help- at least one person should be someone who is NOT in that child’s family)

Some points to reiterate when navigating these topics:

1. Your body belongs to YOU. No one has a right to invade your body boundary or see/ask you to do something harmful to another person’s body.

2. If someone hurts you, invades your body boundary or touches your private areas, it is NEVER your fault.

3. If you are unsure whether a situation is okay or not okay or if you feel uncomfortable, TELL.

4. TELL! Even if….. a) the person who hurts you or invades your body boundary tells you not to tell anyone b) if the person who hurts you or invades your body boundary is a member of your family or a friend of your family.

Some resources that can be helpful in navigating these discussions with your children:

1. Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman

2. What’s the Big Secret? by Laurie Krasny Brown

3. No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders

4. Let’s Talk bout Body, Boundaries, Consent and Respect by Jayneen Sanders

5. My Body! What I Say Goes! by Jayneen Sanders

Please feel free to reach out to your HPT clinician with any questions!

Will Our Kids Bounce Back From the COVID Crisis - A Child Mind Institute Article

As we all know, this year has been one of many transitions, and one that has presented with many challenges. There have also been some wonderful moments of connection, learning and resiliency. The Child Mind Institute published an article which discusses a concern many might have- will our kids be able to bounce back from the COVID crisis? In short, the answer is yes. 

The article is linked below, but we wanted to highlight some major points from the article: 

-“The event itself doesn’t define whether or not something is traumatic...It really depends on the child’s interpretation of the ‘threat’.” 

1. For some people, the pandemic is a significant stressor, while for others it is a true traumatic event. 

-How Can We Help Our Children Bounce Back: 

1. Adjust expectations

2. Empathize with their feelings 

3. Take a step back 

4. Find opportunities for practice 

5. Don’t sweat the rest. 

One important suggestion that is not explicitly listed by the article, but that research has shown can make a true difference in how children cope, is connection with a trusted adult. Spend time simply connecting- whether that’s playing, going for a walk, reading a book together- with your child(ren). 

Link to Full Article: “Will My Child Bounce Back From the Coronavirus Crisis?”: https://childmind.org/article/will-my-child-bounce-back-from-the-coronavirus-crisis/ 

Helping Our Kids Understand the Riots at the Capitol

Over the course of the last year, we have all had to have many conversations with our children that we may never thought we would have to. Clinicians at Houston Play Therapy want to continue to help support parents, teachers and adults in navigating these difficult conversations. Below you will find some tips/ strategies created by the Child Mind Institute to help navigate discussions with your child(ren) based on their age and developmental level. The direct article in which this information is from is linked as well. 

Helping Kids Understand the Riots at the Capitol  
From the Child Mind Institute
 
For Younger Children:
1.     Stay Calm: While younger children may be less likely to understand what is taking place on the news or on television, they may pick up on your anxiety. Ensure you are in a headspace where you are able to talk to your children; if needed, take a quiet minute to yourself before engaging in these discussions.
2.     Use developmentally appropriate language
3.     Reassure your child(ren) that they are safe
4.     Note aspects of positive as well: The Fred Rogers quote often comes to mind when disturbing or scary events were shown on the news: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping”.
 
For Older Children:
1.     Model calm, rational responses to help them talk through their fears/worries
2.     Provide them opportunities to tell you what they saw and ask questions. Get a sense of what they are thinking.
3.     Validate their feelings: “This is really scary to see. Let’s talk about it”.
4.     Discuss the responses: Ensure you are also discussing those who responded appropriately.
5.     Check in with kids frequently.
6.     Limit exposure to the news: Keep routines in place, continue doing things as a family.
 
For Teenagers/Young Adults:
1.     Validate: Let them know that it is normal to be angry, sad or frightened when witnessing injustice.
2.     Discuss appropriate ways for teens to channel their emotions and fight for what they believe in: For example, can they get involved in community organizations? Raise money or volunteer for a cause they care about?
3.     Discuss their own media consumption in order to provide them with a sense of control/safety: Where do they get their news? How do they know which information to trust? When do they give themselves space / time away from the news?

Source: Child Mind Institute: Helping Kids Understand the Riots at the Capitol: https://childmind.org/blog/helping-kids-understand-the-riots-at-the-capitol/ 

Additional articles and resources are provided below:
*Supporting Marginalized Students in the Context of the 2020 Election: https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/diversity-and-social-justice/social-justice/supporting-marginalized-students-in-the-context-of-the-2020-election-tips-for-parents?utm_content=bufferd5d9d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR1DNYyFe8gwguAHB_1AJAwOrM6jDrL-Z_6Wo_UnI4aMGZSC9lrWD-JyEns 
*NPR: How to Talk to Kids About the Riots at the U.S. Capitol: https://www.npr.org/sections/congress-electoral-college-tally-live-updates/2021/01/07/954415771/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-the-riots-at-the-u-s-capitol 
Please do not hesitate to reach out with any thoughts or questions. 
Link to article:  https://childmind.org/blog/helping-kids-understand-the-riots-at-the-capitol/ 

What is IN your Control?

Here at HPT, we know how difficult these unprecedented times continue to be. As you may have read in the previous blog post, “Tips for Promoting Resilience and Providing Support During the COVID-19 Pandemic”, one way to help support your child during these times is to help them feel a sense of control. There are numerous ways to go about this; one of these ways is utilizing the “Rock and Playdoh” analogy. We will say that this analogy was not created by HPT or any of its therapists, but was rather a compilation of a couple of different resources and activities shared by wonderful therapists online.

Below you will find a "script" of a lesson conducted for Kindergarten through Third grade students and the discussion that followed.

The purpose of this activity was to help students reframe different problems or situations they encounter. Is it a playdoh problem/situation (is it in my control?) or is it a rock problem/situation (is it out of my control?). If it is, in fact, a rock situation, what playdoh solutions can we come up with? Empowering our students and providing them with ways to find solutions to the things they can control and not become overly focused on what they cannot control will help to develop their resiliency and self-efficacy. 

I would invite you all to continue the dialogue of identifying the "rocks" and "playdohs" of different situations that take place as you encounter different situations in different environments with your children. 

The Rock and the Playdoh: What Is In Your Control?

I have two items with me today- Playdoh and a Rock. 

Now, the first part of the activity is to turn the playdoh into something new. What can I turn it into? 

Students Answers included: a ball, a snowman, a cookie, a snake 

I then turned the playdoh into the object/animal voted on by the classroom.

While I was creating my new object/animal, I would narrate- “Ah, I can take a piece of this one here and move it here. I can change it how I would like! I have control over the playdoh!”. 

Now, the next part is to turn the rock into something new, with ONLY my hands. What can I change it into? 

Students Answers often suggested that I use some sort of external tool or add something to the rock. While I applauded their creativity and thinking outside of the box, I noted that, with my own two hands, I could not change the shape or consistency of the rock. 

“Wow, so with the playdoh, I could create something new and change it to what I wanted. I had control over the playdoh. With the rock, I could not change it. I had no control over the rock”. 

We then discussed as a whole group how we have “rocks” and “playdohs” in our lives. For example, the rocks in our lives include: COVID-19, the weather, teacher assignments and other people’s words or actions. The playdohs in our lives might be: our own words, our choices, social distancing, and taking breaks. We continued to discuss how it was important to look at the playdohs in our lives as well as the playdoh solutions to rock problems (i.e. wearing a rain jacket when it is raining outside).

Tips for Promoting Resilience and Providing Support During a Pandemic

11 Tips for Promoting Resilience and Providing Support During the COVID-19 Pandemic

Information created and compiled by Alessia Bulsara, M.Ed., LPC 

1. Continue to build upon connections and supportive relationships

¥     Countless articles of research continue to reiterate one of the primary protective factors that promotes resilience for children in times of adversity, struggle or trauma is a supportive relationship with a caring adult. Simply “being there” and “with” your child can do a lot more than you think! 

¥     Provide opportunities for connection with your child throughout the day. This might look like leaving a note in their lunch, calling them on the phone, eating a meal together or visiting them in the next room between virtual meetings. 

¥     When possible, have “special play time” for a designated amount of time with you and your child. During this time, all electronics (even for parents) are put away and sole focus is on the child. Additionally, the child gets to be “ in charge” during this time (within reason of course)- they can decide what to play, how you all will play it, etc. Once the designated time period is up (I would have a timer), then parents are back in charge! A more detailed blog post will be sent in the future about special play time. 

2. Acknowledge and validate their feelings 

¥     Name It to Tame It: Help your child name their emotion and allow them to “feel their feelings”.  

¥     When we help children name their feeling, we are helping them “create a coherent narrative” (Bryson, 2020) that decreases the reactivity in their brains. In other words, naming it takes the power away from the emotion and helps the child feel more in control. 

3. PLAY! Spend time outside! 

¥     When possible, spend even just a few minutes outside!

¥     Have time for play! When we are playing (this includes laughing and doing something silly in addition to the typical ideas of play), it is more difficult for our bodies to cultivate full feelings of fear and anxiety. 

¥     Play is a great way to release stress and help regulate our nervous systems. 

4. Provide opportunities for your child to make choices 

¥     Empower your child by providing them with controlled choices (i.e. “Do you want to work on Math or Reading first?”). There are many things in the world that are out of their control, especially during this time; providing them with opportunities to practice making decisions gives them a greater sense of control and builds their self-efficacy. 

5. Create predictability where you can  

¥     Keep routines in place: continue your morning routine, follow your child’s classroom schedule, etc. 

¥     Utilize a visual schedule to help your child know what is going to happen that day. At the beginning of each day, go over the schedule with them. If your child is participating in the hybrid program, have a schedule for their week at school (i.e. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school, etc.) and their week at home for virtual classes.  

¥     Consistency and structure can be calming during times of uncertainty. 

¥     Kids often benefit from knowing what is going to happen and when. 

6. Limit news consumption 

¥     Even if your child is not directly watching the news, they can be experiencing “second hand screen time” if the news is on in the background. 

7. Find activities you can do

¥     Many activities, stress relievers, and social outings are not a possibility at the moment. Helping your child by making statements that validate their feelings and provide options for what can be done that can be helpful. For example, “It is disappointing that we cannot go see Grandma. What can we do right here at home? We could Facetime her or write her a letter/draw her a picture!”. 

8. Provide information to kids- in a developmentally appropriate way 

¥     Kids are generally perceptive and aware of what is going on in the world around them; providing a developmentally appropriate response or explanation can help alleviate anxiety or concerns. Ensure your child that, even though things might feel different, parents are there to help and take care of kids.

9. Continue to maintain physical distance, but not “social” distance 

¥     This falls in line with the first tip of continuing to build and support connections. 

¥     Utilize technology to help your child connect to their peers and other family members. 

¥     Find opportunities to help others. This might look like sending postcards to nursing homes or leaving a kind voicemail for a friend. 

10. Check-in with yourself and take moments for self-care

¥     It is entirely understandable to feel worried or anxious during these times. Taking time to have breaks and take care of yourself will allow you to be more present. Think of the saying, “We cannot pour from an empty cup”. 

11. Model Resilience and know it is okay for things to be hard 

¥     Know and accept that there will be days that feel hard and that is okay.

¥     Resilience in kids is not created by things being “perfect”. Resilience is built when difficult situations are encountered and they are able to work through it with support. 

¥     As adults, we are able to model that resilience for kids. We can say, “Wow, that did feel hard. I felt really frustrated in that moment. Whew. Okay, it was okay that that felt hard and now I can do _______”. 

Resources: 

¥     Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/article/supporting-kids-during-the-covid-19-crisis/

¥     STARR Commonwealth: https://starr.org/promoting-resilience-as-children-return-to-school/?utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--UkJi2X1RokDq8B9-EacegpEiYKQkLysR0fzDuSk-GzD8_MMdhmMBo0JPxNz96FszjNfryGXXNnZ3MBNDtz8Q6_KMVfE-GUpZEUsyKHzDapAWBBLI&_hsmi=92777797&utm_content=92777797&utm_source=hs_email&hsCtaTracking=7c35f4ff-e363-46a9-a44c-cca37c7f9917%7Cbd5cc95e-9f60-4f78-bdda-292898cd8067

¥     Dr. Tina Payne Bryson: Parenting During the Pandemic

Coping Skills Plan

While exploring different resources for our HPT families, HPT therapist, Alessia Bulsara, came across a wonderful resource from Whole Child Counseling.

Our kids move through lots of different emotions that they are learning how to manage and regulate. In these uncertain times, these oscillating emotions may be coming up even more frequently and intensely. Whole Child Counseling created a wonderful coping skills plan that can be used to help consolidate different strategies that your child can use during these moments of heightened emotions or dysregulation. She also created a video resource to help facilitate the use of her coping skills plan template. Helping your child utilize this and modeling yourself implementing different coping strategies is also very important!

Links to the video and her blog where you can subscribe and access the Coping Skills Plan for free are below:

This video takes you through the steps to create a Coping Skills Plan! The plan can be downloaded for free at http://www.WholeChildCounseling.com. There is a...

Calm/Cozy Corner

Helpful Limit Setting : A-C-T

"Anxiety and Coping with the Coronavirus"

This has been an unprecedented and unexpected time. Each and every one of us is working to readjust and best manage to support our families and ourselves. HPT’s Alessia Bulsara, M.Ed., LPC found an article on the Child Mind Institute website specifically addresses managing anxiety during this time. I find the suggestions are helpful, not only for anxiety, but as a blueprint of how we can all best support our kiddos. The link to the article is at the bottom of the post; some key points are highlighted below:

1.     “As parents, we need to be modeling for our kids how to react to stressful times by coping with anxiety in healthy ways.”

• The article often discusses “remaining calm” in front of our kids. While it is important to remain consistent and help provide an environment where the child feels safe and protected, it is also essential to model constructive and appropriate ways of managing big emotions that everyonefeels. This might look like saying something along the lines of, “Mommy/Daddy is feeling a bit mad right now. I need to take a break and take some deep breaths to feel better” while modeling taking deep breaths and narrating what is happening within your body. Not only will this provide your child with an example of how it is okay to have big feelings and the safe and appropriate ways to calm down, but it normalizes that EVERYONE has big feelings at some time or another. 

2.     “Establishing a routine that involves exercise, regular meals and healthy amounts of sleep are also crucial to regulating our moods and our worries. If your old routine is no longer possible because of COVID-19 precautions, look for ways to be flexible and start a new routine.” 

• Have a visual schedule for your child which you review with them each morning. If your child is demonstrating resistance to participating in activities, have them be a part of creating it- let them choose from a list of activities and decide when they want to do it! 

3.     “When kids are feeling anxious, it may or may not be clear to parents- we shouldn’t be looking for just one thing”. 

• Kids often have a difficult time pinpointing and expressing what they are feeling. When they are feeling anxious, or uncertain, it can manifest in a variety of ways. It might look like arguing, resistance, “clinginess” to parents, or big emotional outbursts. If you begin to notice changes in behavior, it can be helpful to note this and process/validate your child’s feelings. You might say something along the lines of, “"Things are really different right now. You're not at school, you're doing school from home all day, that might feel different- and even yucky! Right now, we are staying at home to be safe and to keep others safe while our doctors and scientists work to help stop the virus. This will not last forever". 

4.    “ Look for the positive.” 

• After acknowledging, validating and processing your child’s feelings (i.e. “It feels really hard to stay at home right now. You are sad because you miss your teachers”), help your child find a “positive”. This might look like- “I get to spend more time with my sister/brother!”, “I am getting some more sleep!”, “I am able to play with my dog during movement breaks!”. 

Please reach out to any of the clinicians at HPT at any time with your questions or concerns. We are here to help support you!

Joy Jar

While reading through different articles, one of HPT’s counselors, Alessia Bulsara, M.Ed., LPC, came across an activity families can do in order to help kids understand the idea that this will NOT last forever and we WILL go back to normal life soon. Thus - joy jar was born! See the link below for a video with specifics and directions :)

COVID-19 Resources for Parents

This is an uncertain time for everyone. There is an overwhelming amount of information to sort through and is anxiety provoking. We’ve put together a few resources for parents to use with your children that we have found to be helpful during this confusing time.

Houston Play Therapy’s very own Alessia Bulsara, LPC created a Social Story for you to read with your children while explaining what COVID-19 is.

Some additional resources from one of our favorite author’s Julia Cook

Please continue checking for additional resources. We’ll post more information and activities as they become available. Hang in there…..we’re all in this together!

Danielle discusses Hurricane Harvey

Danielle Tschirhart, LPC-S was invited to speak about processing the trauma of Hurricane Harvey with young children on the local radio station KPFT.